I was cleaning my office today, very thoroughly for the first time possibly since I moved in three years ago.  I came across an envelope of old photos and before reading the label (because with my mild OCD/spectrum brain of course I have envelopes of photos labeled) opened it to find pictures of my ex-wife.  

So now I sit here absolutely devastated.  Not because I want her back or I'm not over her.  We've been divorced now for over ten years and I've had a few healthy relationships in that time.  But because I know I'm the only person who has these memories now.  She's re-married and has kids, and I know if she ever thinks of me, it's momentary.  And that's how it should be.  It still just sucks having all of these memories of good times that I once shared with someone, and now they're just mine.

Additionally it is rough knowing full well that were I currently in a steady, healthy relationship now, I would be able to see those pictures and just smile at them.  Instead being just painfully lonely more often than not, adds to all of the emotions and regret of past decisions that led me here.

Lastly, I have no idea if it's good or bad that I will not throw the pictures out.  Because to me, happy or painful, memories are important.  And I truly, truly hate forgetting things.